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Showing posts from February, 2013

The age of beauty

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I didn't know he saw me until he mentioned it later.  He had been looking in the rear view mirror as he took it all in.  "There aren't any there," he grinned.

I smile at his naivety.  Always the generous one, my husband, he never seems to see the flaws that I wear on my person, in my heart, on my sleeve.  They say love is blind, perhaps I should love myself as much.

We were stopped at a red light and I was in the vehicle behind his.  I pulled down the handy mirror and stretched tight the part in my hair.  Those wiry grays shot up awkward from my head.  A few hard looks into the separated follicles confirmed that I would be silver haired by tomorrow, or in the very least the next few years  A heavy sigh and a quick flip of the mirror ended the occasion of vanity, but the thought of my passing life returns to me again and again.  The gentle reminder speaks in the squint of my eyes, and in the quiet pain that tells me I can't move the way that I used to and expect t…
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I am broken, may you mend me
I am blind, help me to see
This mess of human overtaking
Unworthy one who goodness flees

I need a Savior nigh to rescue
A tortured soul's cry to redeem
My hands fall empty in their giving
nothing offered it would seem

But for a cross with blood once flowing
Life laid down, death victory
My imperfect heart was purchased
Paid in blood on wooden tree

For life is offered, life is taken
May I give it all to you
I have this, a shattered vessel
Take it now and mend it new

I stopped following rules

I was fifteen years old when the questions began to weigh me down.

I was raised in a conservative home where my parents took the four of us to church every Wednesday and twice on Sunday.  We looked like Christians, and by that I mean we were visibly different than most people.  The girls wore dresses and didn't cut their hair, the boys wore pants.  People would wonder if we were Amish or belonged to a cult.  A coworker of my dad would call us the Walton's.  That meant nothing to me at the time because we didn't own a television.  We were set apart for the sake of Christ.  We lived to be blameless before God.

It was in those early teen years that I began to desire an understanding of what God wanted for me.  I wanted to be fully dedicated to his call on my life, but there was great pressure to follow the set rules of Christianity.  I felt and heard the judgement of people when the letter of the law was not followed, and even when it was there was always a sense of not being…