Showing posts from February, 2017

With my hands open

I remember the loss, and the dark ache that swallowed me.  Fifteen years have been lived since then, but the thought of surviving those moments burn in my throat even now.  Grief has a way of lingering.

We named her Mathia, God's gift.  God's gift that we never held, never rocked to sleep, never even saw.  On occasion my children mention her name, and we dream about the role she would have played in our family.  She is a part of my story, a shade of who I am.  She softened me to suffering, and gently gifted me with the understanding of loss.

I wonder of God's grace in those moments.  In that place of darkness, he was there reminding me of his goodness.  In the depths of my sorrow he gave me a song of worship.  And maybe that is why the words of Job sink so deeply into my heart, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord."  The beauty of worship in the moment of loss and difficulty astounds me.  It points to the belief that even i…