Showing posts from April, 2012

Remembering still

Ten years.  An entire decade.  Not that I thought I would ever forget, but the remembering still surprises me.  It's April 26th, her would-be birthday, and every year for the past ten I remember.
I kept the small blanket I wanted to wrap her in, a pale yellow with a tiny print of animals on the edge.  In my excitement of learning the news I had purchased it.  It seemed a frivolous buy for someone so careful with their money.  It lays silently now in a wooden chest that smells of cedar never knowing the warmth of its intended body.
That same chest holds my hospital bracelet, the sonogram picture, and a little angel shaped box lined with blue velvet.  'Mathia" is etched on the lid in flowing script.  I suppose those are all representations of her death, but I keep them because I have nothing of her life.  So brief, her life, like wisps of smoke that disappear into the air once the fire is gone.
I think of her, imagine her.  I replay the day I was told she died.  Ten years …

Dreaming for you

At some point the space between us blurred Not in ceremony, gradually I lost what was only mine And you held it up unspoken Knowing, as leader, this was happiness For we are One. I am learning too of love and dreams when stirred Bring fulfillment to our moments As we sleep for one another.

Waiting at the finish

Coming my way
in your memorized stride I feel I own it Nothing on your face
in distance But joy! Wait! it wasn't a smile something more in the lift of your being The victorious fist raised as banner of achievement Closer, closer with movement of the core and other fluid parts meeting in agreement
Satisfying my patience I know now You have done well Shall we celebrate? I need not ask

In the eyes of my child

I am
The remains of the glass pieced together by time
Seem whole

In the eyes of my child

I am
The fears of the night since redeemed by the day
are unseen

In the eyes of my child

I am
The imperfect things grace released from the hold
are unknown

In the eyes of my child

I am
The lies I believed replaced with new truth
never held

In the eyes of my child

Fabric surnrise

I headed out of the house while the sky was still a muted gray.  There was a cool nip in the air, but it quickly disappeared as I picked up the pace.  I decided to conquer my first two miles within the neighborhood before I headed out on the main road.  I was waiting on the sun to catch up with me.
It was quiet.  So quiet that a solitary chirp could be held and analyzed.  Peacefully I pounded out step after step, enjoying the solitude of the run.  My breath began its familiar rhythm, moving in and out.  I couldn't see it.  The weather was too warm.
As I was coming up to my second mile, I began to notice the gradual changes in the sky.  Subtle but existent, the shadowed morning began to evolve.  As the colors awoke with the lifting sun, I witnessed the birth of a new day.

I watch you change the fabric Fabric dark and silent lays Lays across as sleeping canvas Canvas waking with your rays
Up above me shadows moving Moving slowly from my view View is turning into grayness Grayness t…

Celebrating life

Happy Birthday to me!  Today begins my 32nd year of life.  I look at myself in the mirror and see how time has changed me.  My laugh lines are a bit deeper this year, and I've noticed more gray hair sprouting haphazardly here and there, but I am still me.  Just a year older, a day, a minute.
I think back over the years and see the subtle differences.  Those evolutions that go beyond the shell. I cradle them inside the part of me that hovers below the surface and exists in my spirit, my soul, my thoughts.  That is the me that I long to be changed.  The part of me that cries out to be renewed. 
Another year has passed, and today I will celebrate.  I will dance to the song of my life, and I will sing of the grace and mercy of God.  I will rejoice with my creator, the one who knows the number of my days, who desires to answer my cry to be made a thing of beauty.
The Lord has shown you what is good.
      He has told you what he requires of you.
   You must treat people fairly.

Just a feeling

The finish still so far away Doubt whispered in my ear One foot laid down, distance behind I felt my limits near But that was just a feeling I searched for wording perfectly From where I did not know I wrote it down efficiently And felt it didn't flow But that was just a feeling The sign I held in black and white Said please acknowledge me You passed me by, invisible Felt you didn't care to see But that was just a feeling Left doubt aside, spoke truth aloud Won't let these feelings lead I found they can't be trusted true And truth is what I need Not resigned by just a feeling