Showing posts from April, 2015

Laying down secret

Because God is good, I write to remember.

Because God gives grace, I write to give thanks

Because God is faithful to repair these broken parts of me, I write to share the story of his mercy.

The moon peaks through windows of the room casting shadows.  She is settled in for sleep, and her sister lays beside her.  When she closes her eyes she remembers all that remains unsettled.  How many nights, she wonders, has she prayed that God would forgive her?  How many nights would she remember the sickness of her secret, and lie awake beneath the coverings of shame?

Trees move against the wall, and little legs squirm beneath blankets.  She is overwhelmed by what she knows, and she tries to forget how she was held down.  Her stomach turns inside her as the familiar nausea returns.  She tries to forget how her eyes were opened to the disgust of sin.  She wants to escape her thoughts, and she wonders if she had been able to escape the Evil if she would be laying here right now in her bed of guil…

The begrudging will of God

I was just a girl, but I remember now with amusement the thoughts that kept me awake at night.  I was never one to ask my parents incessant questions, but I did ask a few that I just couldn't seem to satisfy on my own.

I would spend sunny afternoons dreaming of my future and my wedding.  It was the dress that I considered mostly, and then the husband.  I would wonder if I already knew him, and if not, what he might look like.  Would he have strong hands like my dad?  Would we live in a brick house?  Would we have kids?  Of course we would.  At least four, maybe five.  Six?

These questions would rotate in my mind, and when I just couldn't hold them close enough I would offer them to my parents.  "Do you think someone will marry me?  What do you think he looks like?  Will he smell good?"

I imagine my parents were thinking the same thing I do when my kids ask questions that just can't be answered.  They would generalize something that would satisfy me, and not give …

Saving me

I stood beside the road that day In disbelief you passed my way Not recognized behind the red Pooling beneath your thorn crowned head Their mercy lost upon you great Striking you down in heavy hate  You slowed, you stopped, you looked around That's when my heart did hear the sound It rumbled deep within my soul And overtook my spirit whole That moment when you saw me there I felt the sin I could not bear A stifled scream I could not cry Not fair that you would surely die There on the hill the cross now stood Your hands, your feet now one with wood And drawing strength within your breath You took upon my rightful death My face now buried in the ground Feeling so lost and wanting found The innocence of life now laid The price of sin my Savior paid A love so full, so great must be  Amazing grace His gift to me