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Showing posts from September, 2015

I was loved first

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For most of my life I have believed I was shy.  It was the excuse I would offer to escape the discomfort of engaging in conversation.  I felt awkward and out of place in most social settings, and it was my relief to hide behind the charms of my slightly older sister.  But recently I have come to the understanding that these feelings were not the result of my personality.  I am not shy; I am broken.


We stepped out into the pale yellow sun, and welcomed the cool breezes that swept between us.  We heard the slight rustling of leaves as hand in hand we moved along the winding stone paths of the San Antonio Riverwalk.  The green water snaked through the arched bridges calmly unaware of our presence.

We sat down at one of the many cafes that lined the quiet beauty, and over the crunch of tortilla chips we talked about the following day.  We had come to Texas for our missionary orientation, and we were anticipating the stories of people who shared our passion.  We imagined that most of the o…

A call to deeper faith

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I am writing from Kerrville, Texas, a little town an hour north of San Antonio.  Tim and I are here for our missionary orientation for Commission To Every Nation.  It seems surreal to be here, but a lot of our life has been feeling that way lately.


Back in May when we shared God's call for our lives to our church, it was quite a surprise (shock?) to many people.  But God had really been speaking to us for many years about going deeper with him, and all along we were saying yes.  He had planted in our hearts a desire to know him more, to love him more, to seek him more.  The how was really just a matter of detail.

There were a few people that we invited into our story before it became common knowledge.  We spoke over tables and in chairs moved close to one another.  These were people who knew us well, and loved us completely.  And when they allowed our story to settle down into their hearts and minds, they shared with us that it was really no surprise at all, this direction our lif…

The care and keeping of our children's hearts

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It was after they had gone.  The small crowd who loved us through their serving dispersed to the places they call home, and we travelled the 3 miles back to the one we were moving from.  The rooms were empty of tangible memories, and only our voices decorated the walls, calling back to us in echoes.

I was walking halls and checking closets before I peaked into the room with the sea foam walls.  There sat the child who had been the most excited to leave this home, head buried in arms and knees pulled up under the chin.  Those slight shoulders were shaking, and I sat down beside the small gasping sounds that were too strong to keep hidden.  They held no regard for the owner's wishes.

It had caught her off guard, the emptiness of the house, the finality of the move.  So we sat there in the stillness, and embraced this necessary sadness.  And all the while my heart whispered to heaven, a desperate cry that God would take care of my children.

I don't know what is in store for our f…

What I suppose I should be feeling

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When I got up this morning and realized it was Tuesday, I felt excited.  Why?  Because I wanted to share another song off of my playlist for Tune in Tuesday.  I've thought all week about what song I would choose, and it was last night that I knew I wanted it to be based on my current situation.

On Sunday, we moved out of our home to pick up residence with my brave sister Nancy and her family of six.  (Just for fun, I wrote a story about her bravery HERE.)  We mostly fit three levels of a house into one, and as you can imagine things don't exactly fit neatly into place.  
I enjoy visual organization.  I like clean lines, and tidy spaces.  When I work at the hospital, I straighten my patient's rooms.  When we go out to eat, I pile plates and discard straw rappers.  My children's collections of "things" disappear when they are at school.  (Do not tell them!)  That is not my reality right now, and it won't be for some time yet.  But last night, as I was walki…