"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1:21(b)
I sat on the cold linoleum floor of my bathroom with my back pressed against the locked door. My sister, Lynda was on the other side asking if I was okay. My silence was her answer.
There are no guarantees. No measure of what is fair. No rule that says I deserve what I desire. There are only promises. Promises that say whatever is asked of me, the trials I face, the burdens I must bear; I will not be alone.
We named the second baby Aren. I wrote this entry in my journal on May 19th, 2005.
My babies, just a breath away, I will never forget you or cease to miss you for all of my life.
Do you look at me from heaven,
and search my upturned face?
Do you wonder if I miss you still,
or if someone could take your place?
I know I think of you at times
I imagine who you are
I want to hold you close to me,
but I cannot reach that far.
I know heaven is the perfect place,
and I'm sure you wouldn't trade
But in a dream you could visit me
so your memory won't fade.
I knew you for a little while
before you had to leave
And I will know you once again
this I must believe.
I know you're not alone or sad
the way I feel at times.
Do you even watch me now
as I sit and write you rhymes?