Boxes

I've been working through a book that asks tough questions.  It gets down into the bones of your soul.  It pries into your past, and begs you to look at the raw hurts that have been tearing away the best parts of you since you were a child.  We all carry wounds, there are scars barely covered by the thin pink of our skin, and we know if it is touched again it might break open and we would bleed to the point of emotional death.

There is fear in pain and death, so we tend to ignore the fact that it is a very real part of living.

I am 34 years old and I still struggle with insignificance.  Looking back, this has been a theme in my life.  As a child, I longed to be loved and accepted but found myself feeling lost in the shadows of the outspoken.  It is quiet there in the dark.  Your voice can't be heard.  You find the insides of you screaming to be accepted, but you are too afraid to ask if you are enough.  And so you sit alone hating how you feel.  I'm not good enough.

Rejection is painful and eventually you must choose to die in silence or take the brave chance of someone killing you with their words.  For me, silence has been the easiest path to travel, but that is only a different way to die.

I am learning to find my voice.  I am learning that the feelings of rejection are only feelings, and the truth that I am fearfully and wonderfully made is the Truth.  I am learning to accept the unique qualities of my personality.  I am learning to like me.

God has brought here.  He has gently held my hand on this journey and he has been patiently waiting for me to allow him to open my eyes to what he already sees.

"Here I am."  I say before you
Naked as my soul I bare
All I have is what I offer
Packed in boxes at which you stare

This one marked as "Thoughts/Ideas"
That one "Feelings," "Emotions" too
"Looks" and "Talent" by "A Quiet Spirit"
Will they be enough for you?

I watch you open all my treasures
Holding each one in your hands
Examining the valued items
"Is there not more?" you demand.

I slowly shake my head with sadness
I have shown you all I own
I carefully place them back inside me,
And hurry on to be alone.

I travel to the Great Box Gifter
And beg, "Please change what I'm to be!"
He wiped my tears and whispered softly
"I've made all these to honor me."

From me he takes each box now opened
And smiles at everything he made
"It's good!" he cries, I watch him closely
"Worth every price that I have paid."

Then holds He me in arms of comfort
At peace with all that is to be
Treasured by the Great Box Gifter
Who loves all things that make up me



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