Trust and Obey

I am 34,000 feet above the Pacific Ocean, and drifting somewhere between two homes.  There are clouds below me and volcanos, but I cannot see them in my unfortunate seat assignment.  Tim and I are heading back to Cincinnati from a week long trip to Nicaragua, but it doesn't really feel like we are going home.

The night before found us in the living room of Tim and Chris Bagwell.  Tim stood behind us, Chris before us, and three of their precious girls flanked our sides.  They placed their hands on us, and touched our hearts as each member from youngest to wisest reached heaven with their words.  They prayed for the present and the future.

I sat there thinking that our family just got a little bit bigger.

I am in the middle seat of the plane, and there is snoozing on either side of me.  I settle into my own place of comfort and wait for the music to begin playing through my headphones.  The old hymn of crosses and surrender echoes on as I close my eyes to shut out the world and find my solitude with Jesus.

I am remembering the moments, the thoughts that began to settle into my mind over the past week.  Realization found me slowly, like a moving fog creeping into morning grass, rolling over itself, gaining momentum as it traveled closer.  I could feel it touching me, weighing me down.  The heaviness of my humanity became a burden too great for me to carry.

I can't do this!  It's too much.  It's too hard.

Nearly two months before, our Pastor challenged us to ask God for a word and a verse that would be a focus for us in the coming year.   I had given it some serious thought and prayerful consideration, knowing the great changes that were ahead.  A few days after I had found my words, I came across a verse that was perfectly aligned with what I had chosen.

It wasn't until I was sitting in the place of my own limitations that I reached for those words.  Trust and Obey.

Trust and obey.

I repeat them to myself again and again.  Trust that God loves me.  Trust that God will supply my needs.  Trust that God understands my struggles and will carry me forward when I do not have the strength.  Trust that God has all of my days planned for me, and he will not leave me alone.  He will not leave me lonely.

And obey.  Obey.  Do what he has asked me to do in faith, and he will take care of the details.

The songs playing through my headphones repeat themselves by my request.  I cling to their truth.  I write it on my heart.  I hold them close to me just like the verse that reminds me to trust and obey.  I am lost somewhere between worlds, but this position of surrender is where I am found.

"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you.  Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you."  Psalm 143:8


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