The God Surprise

When I first started writing this blog 4 1/2 years ago I was a very different person.  I was full of fear and insecurities, and wanting so much to know that God created me for a special purpose.  Very slowly, I believe, God opened my eyes and my heart to the joy and the struggle of telling true stories.  And it changed me.  Or more accurately, God changed me.

I began to feel a special connection to God through the writing of words.  We were in spiritual communion, and I could sense His nearness as I wrote.  For so many years, I never bothered with the practice, because although I enjoyed it, I did not feel it had purpose.

I'm learning now how it has saved me from a life of self-centeredness.  I'm still learning...

The dreamer in me began to imagine being invited to non-profit organization's mission trips for the purpose of blogging about the experience to raise awareness.  I couldn't fathom a greater use for words than to tell others of God's heart for the poor.

In the quiet moments, within the sacred whispers that moved between my heart and my Father's, I felt that He was preparing me.  I didn't know what the future would hold, but there remained the steady thought, a reassurance, that God had a plan for my life and in this moment, I was to be obedient to the task of writing.

There were so many days that I wanted to stop!  Fear, rejection, inadequacy, and embarrassment were often the only voices I could hear.  But with time, that small, gentle voice would rise above the noise and encourage me to continue.

In nearly two months I am moving to Nicaragua.  As a missionary.  Can I tell you how unlikely this scenario is?  This was never part of the vision that God and I had talked about.  I might have stopped talking altogether if I had known.  Everybody is always saying how brave I am, but the truth is I'M NOT.  I just have a heart motivated by love for Jesus.

I like to call these scenarios "The God Surprise."  He assures us with a tiny piece of the picture, but in the end, when all is revealed, it never looks like we had imagined.  God kept his plan quiet until I was ready to be placed in His story for his goodness and his glory. He strengthened my confidence and ability to make his heart for the poor known to people who can change their future.

I feel wholly unqualified and completely unworthy to be called into such an amazing work.  But God, who has begun his good work in me, will be faithful to complete it.  May I always have a heart willing to learn, and softened to surrender.


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