In the morning, I rise

I get up after hitting my snooze button on my phone for the 3rd time.

I get up for many reasons – reasons Im not quite sure of yet as I stumble out of bed from my sleep/sleepless night.

I steady my off balanced footing and stomp through my motherly garments that I have rightfully earned– the comfy pants, slippers, t-shirt, and oversized cardigan/ know the one you wore the past three mornings – that one.

I trip out of my bedroom into the hallway that could have landmines of legos, tape, open doors, babydolls, matchbox cars, chair-legs, etc. I sacrifice myself to get one step closer to the aroma of delayed brew coffee – thank the Lord every morning for delayed brew coffee.

I pour my cup, open up my devotional app on my phone and begin swiping and scrolling through readings and verses and quickly write down in my journal the thoughts that float through my brain so that I might actually remember them at the end of the reading.

The app I use allows you to see what your friends have been chewing on and what devotionals they have read. The majority of my friends are other mothers – not all but mostly.  I begin to peruse my friends feed” of scripture and reading plans. With every swipe and scroll something hits me. I am not alone in my morning or late night efforts to meet with God and hear what he has for me. All of these moms are doing this too – plus more people that aren’t even on this app. We are all working so hard...looking so hard for guidance...and not because we HAVE to, because who in their right mind would be motivated to get up that early or stay up that late because you HAD to? We all are doing it because we WANT to! We are not quenched by the coffee...maybe a little but its not lasting...we are only quenched by the refilling God provides through his word and Holy Spirit.

God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy and he freed us from sin.” 1 Corinthians 1:30

I come to God each morning because I am looking for the ultimate counsel and renewal of mind. I come to him because this parenting gig that I have been so blessed by is no 5k – it is a continual marathon. I look to my phone and Im convinced that my friends are doing the same. They are led by the spirit each time because they are children of God, seeking their Fathers advice and wisdom that only he can give. (Isaiah 58:11)

And then this – I am not responsible for my childrens salvation. I can only lead by love and by example. A friend of mine pointed out this excerpt from Give Them Grace by Fitzpatrick & Thompson.

God doesn’t promise our children’s salvation in response to our obedience, because he never encourages self-reliance. It would be against God’s character to give us a promise that our children will be saved if we raise them in a certain way...He would be encouraging us to trust in ourselves, and God never does that...In the same way that you trust in him and not in yourself for your salvation, you can trust in him for the salvation of your children. You can give yourself grace: he’s in control, he is loving, his plan is best. And you can give your children grace, too.Parenting with grace isn’t another set of rules for you to follow. It’s a story that you’re to rejoice in. Share the story with your children. Show them the Savior. Show them Jesus. Dazzle them with his love.” (pg 62)


There it is. 

I think in my mind I was looking to God to make myself right so that I cold help make my kids right...but ugh-ugh, no way is that how it works. My kids rely on me but I ultimately need to show them Gods love and that I rely on God, not on anyone else. And the only way I can do that is by showing them Jesus. Day in and day out showing them grace for their mistakes and loving them and others as much as I possibly can.

I hope and pray for each of my childs circumstances but I cannot change their hearts anymore than I can make it rain. I can pray for them...I can pray for rain...but it is their choice and its their journey, not mine. My journey is different than theirs. But I do need Gods guidance to show me the gracious response to their choices.

So, I will continue to stumble out of my bed, and refocus my days by coming to Gods word and sharing with my kids how I rely on Him.

Elly has been married to her high school sweetheart for the past 12 years.  As a teacher and mom to three, she is passionate about the nurturing and education of young humans.  She is a follower of Jesus, and moved by the Father's heart. . . usually to tears in both joy and sorrow.  You can find more of her adventures in motherhood on her blog The Mothership By Elly.


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