The blessing of peace

A prayer was birthed in fear just over ten years ago.  I had lost one who would never be born, and now in my arms I held the first who was.

I cradled all of this love and happiness in soft blankets while holding tight to the fear that he would be taken from me.  Thoughts of peering into his crib to see a resting form that would never stir burned into my mind, and it was only exhaustion that allowed me to fight my way into sleep each night.

Weeks passed and the unrest I owned was overwhelming.  I couldn't hold onto both fear and peace, so I slowly let fear go. 

One night as I held him warm and sleeping, I whispered into him that child prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.  If I should die before I wake, I pray thee Lord my soul to take."

Can I tell you how hard it was to pray that simple prayer?  To, in a sense say, God if my son has to leave please be the one who takes him.

But I found peace in the heart of surrender.

Isaiah turned ten last week, and nearly every night since that first I have prayed over his life.  I say a blessing four times over now as our family has grown in number.  Each child waits expectantly for me to seek God's grace over their lives, and their own lips move in the asking that it would be his hand that hovers over them.

These days our prayer is a blessing from Numbers 6:24-26

May the Lord bless you and keep you safe.  
May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you.
May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace.

One of my favorite bedtime memories was praying over Eliza who had not yet turned 3.  I ended, "and give you his peace" when she looked up at me and finished with a smile, "of gum!"

When I recovered from my delight of what she had said I had to agree that if God was willing to give her peace, then he would most certainly be willing to share his gum.

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